In this podcast, Neil and Robin respond to a question from a mom whose daughter is isolating more and more and seems to possibly be depressed.

Patricia of Phoenix AZ writes:

Dear Neil,

I’ve been listening to your podcast for a while, and it’s given me great support for raising my now 16-year-old daughter. She’s been through a lot with her father’s and my divorce, adjusting to my partner and his young son moving in, and coming through the pandemic where we were all mostly at home.

When quarantine happened, my partner and I decided the best thing would be to live together. Our relationship is good, he cares about my daughter and is good to her, but she doesn’t seem to want to open up and connect with him.  

I can see that she is struggling. She spends most of her time in her room and is fairly closed, even to me. We used to be very close but now she responds to my efforts at conversation with one-word answers and off to her room.  If I ask her to do something like pick up her things, I’ll have to ask her several times and then she’ll do it with an attitude. Her father has her every other weekend and he has a new partner that she’s not particularly fond of. 

She had great friends when she was playing water polo, but after the layoff from the pandemic, she didn’t want to go back and now she’s on the outside of her friend group and I think that hurts her a lot. She has a couple of friends she talks to, but they don’t get together much.  

I think she’s depressed but I’m not sure how to address it.

I’ve talked with her about counseling and she’s open to the idea, but I don’t know how to even go about finding a therapist. Should she see a psychiatrist and get medication? We don’t have any real problems between us, so do we need family therapy, or should she just have her own therapist?  I need some guidance with all this.

Neil provides insight into what may be happening and a path for getting the right kind of help for this family.