The Healthy Family Connections Podcast
Episode 222 · Duration: 00:21:29
When Positivity and Earned Privileges Aren't Enough
In this episode Neil along with his co-host Robin, respond to a mother struggling with responsibilities and privileges with her 17-year-old daughter.
Today we’re hearing from Lucia of Sarasota FL:
My daughter is a 17-year-old junior, and I have so many issues with her behavior that I don’t even know where to start. She’s very bright but getting her to do her work is a constant struggle. Her room is a disaster and getting her off her phone is almost impossible. At 17 we shouldn’t have to be on her, but we are constantly needing to restrict her privileges including use of her car, going out etc. until she does her work. Her attitude towards me and her stepfather is hot and cold, depending on how she’s feeling and what she wants. She complains that we favor her younger brother, but it isn’t true. He’s only a child and needs a lot of attention, and frankly, when we try to give our daughter attention, she doesn’t want to be around us. We work really hard to make sure she knows we love her. We made a nice BBQ on her birthday for her friends, gave her nice presents, and make sure she gets things she needs and wants. But we’re sick of her negative attitude towards us and after a while, we can let her know that. I have full custody and her stepdad and I work hard to make a nice home for her and her brother, but it feels like we’re being taken advantage of. I try being positive and making her earn privileges, but nothing seems to be working. HELP!
Now to Lucia’s question:
- What’s going on with her?
- What was the divorce like?
- How did it effect Mom?
- Mom tries to do everything right but is she getting her needs met.
- Is daughter getting her emotional not commercial needs met?
- Focus on the few things that matter the most.
- Get counseling to focus on the journey the two of you have been on together.
- What is her passion, what are her goals?
Neil and Robin offer some insight into what might be missing in this mother / daughter relationship and how they might get things on a healthy path forward.
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