In this episode, Neil, along with his co-host Robin, responds to a Mother wondering what to do about her verbally abusive husband.

Rachael from Greensboro, NC writes:

Dear Neil,

I’ve read your book and been following your podcast and hope you will have some advice for me.  I now stay positive with my two teenagers, and I work to understand their feelings. This has helped a lot, but I’m not always consistent and my kids can find ways around me, but at least I know what to do. Here’s my problem. My husband doesn’t think about these things. 

He gets angry with the kids and yells and calls them names. When I try to get him to stop or learn about parenting, he yells at me too. He thinks the problem is that I’m too soft and that I’m trying to control him by not being affectionate. His behavior isn’t a small thing, he explodes so that the neighbors hear and one time the police came to check on us. I tell him I can’t be loving if he continues to yell, call names, and act scary.  A lot of friends and family have told me to get divorced and I’m getting close. But he has his good points. He does great activities with the kids; he has a good job and supports us and I know he loves me. Do I have to get divorced or is there a solution I can’t see? 

A lot of friends and family are telling her to get divorced, but she knows her husband has his good points and is hoping for a better solution. Neil offers a way to shift the burden of the decision onto her husband and empowers Mom to set her standards and see how he chooses to respond.