Podcast 246 Neil D Brown Parenting Adult Children

Five Crucial Points For Boundary Setting With Your Adult Child

The Healthy Family Connections Podcast

Episode 246 · Duration: 00:26:51

In this podcast Neil, along with co-host Robin, responds to a mother whose adult child has moved back home. This young adult makes chronic demands on her mother’s time. And while wanting to be the focus of her mother’s world, this adult child is rude and unhappy with Mom's efforts. This calls for a radical change in the relationship between Mom and daughter.

Holly of Orange County CA writes:

Hi Neil,

Thank you for taking questions from us concerned parents!

I will try to keep this as short as possible. I have recently decided to set boundaries and give an ultimatum for my 24 yr old daughter who is currently living with me and my new husband (yes, blended family). I have been a pushover for too long and I admit that. She takes advantage of me, expects things of me, responds rudely, and acts entitled. She is only happy with me when it is just me and her together and I'm agreeing with her, listening to her, taking her places, etc.

She's been married and divorced. She chose to live with me and I took her in, no problem. Due to her lack of respect for me and her projecting her pain onto me, I told her she has to seek out therapy by a certain date or she has to move out. I also told her she has to pay me $400 a month to live in my house. She has her own primary bedroom and bathroom with her own entrance. This led to an hour or more conversation of her telling me I was such a good mom when she was young and I was married to her dad. She now goes on and on telling me she doesn't know who I am! And that I've changed into someone she no longer knows. She said she's scared that I did not admit to my faults and apologize to her that she's hurting from the divorce. She’s telling me I'm no longer a Christian woman. She has cried to her sister (25 yrs old) and they are both telling me how hard I am being on her, etc, etc. I'm hurt, shocked, angry, disappointed, embarrassed.... This is not how I expected my daughter to turn out as an adult. I no longer know how to communicate with her, nor do I want to. She's manipulative, she exaggerates the truth and she gaslights. I do not like my child right now. I've supported her, I pray over her, I cheer her on, I give her resources, take her to lunch and dinner, buy her things occasionally, I give her advice (which she tells me I used to be good at and now I'm horrible!) I'm at a loss.

Neil identifies both the underlying elements of the problem and the critical elements necessary to ensure a shift to health.


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