In this podcast, Neil along with cohost Robin Holland responds to a mom struggling with two resistant teens and their weekend father.  

Today we’re hearing from Bonnie of Maplewood, NJ who writes: 

Dear Neil,

I know that control battles are a problem, but how do I get out of one when my kids are constantly breaking the rules?  My daughter 12 has ADHD and would rather be on her phone than doing homework, practicing piano, cleaning her room or any other responsibility.  She knows she has to have certain things done before she can have her phone, but then it’s up to me to make sure she’s done everything.  She’ll say she’s done her responsibilities and wants her phone and then it’s up to me to go over the list and argue with her about the details of her undone responsibilities. 

The situation with my son is similar.  He’s 16 and wants to be independent which is fine. But if he wants to be independent, does that mean he has no responsibilities in the home?  I swear, if he ever washed a dish or cleaned up after himself without being hounded, I’d faint.

They’re both basically good kids but why is everything on me to keep them in line? 

To make matters worse, their Dad has them most weekends and says he has no problem with them. The truth is he doesn’t make them do anything. They eat take-out whenever the kids want.  He works a lot and is always on his computer, so the kids are free to be on their devices. 

Should I just quit being so demanding?  I feel like I’m losing the battle and that I’m the odd one out in the family. 

As the theme of self-doubt takes center stage, Neil and Robin offer a way to shift into a new mindset and action plan.