In this episode Neil along with his co-host Robin, respond to questions from a mom about her teenagers’ anger towards their parents.

Today we’re hearing from Rebecca from Minnesota, the land of 10,000 Lakes.  Rebecca writes: 

Dear Neil, 

1st Question

My husband and I think the approach outlined in your book is wise and that it is what our family needs. We have a 15 year old son with ADHD. He's a good kid, but wants more independence than he is ready for. 

The problem is that years of dealing with conflicts have resulted in us having a very strained relationship with him.  We do have good & positive interactions with him, but he has told us on multiple occasions that he wants to leave as soon as he turns 18, that we are horrible parents, etc. To complicate matters, his closest friend has parents who allow WAY more freedom than we do, so he constantly compares us with their family and pretty much always wants to be at his friend's house.

We've tried to have conversations with our son to come up with agreements and behavior expectations, but he avoids participation and says we will just do what we want anyway. 

How do we hold him more accountable without further damaging the relationship?

2nd Question

Our almost-17-year old daughter is responsible and respectful most of the time. She gets good grades, has a job, spends time with the family, and overall is easy-going. As a result of her high "mature-o-meter" rating :-), we feel like we let her have appropriate levels of freedom and privileges. However, if we say no to ANYTHING to her, she acts as if we don't let her do anything and that we are the strictest parents in the world. The most recent thing we said no to was a self-tattoo kit for permanent injected tattoos.

Her strong reaction causes me to worry that we are jeopardizing her respect for us and that she will decide to not care about being the mature, responsible girl that she is anymore.

How do I decide what is OK?

Listen as Neil and Robin provide insight into adolescent behavior and provide perspective and recommendations to address their specific behaviors.